Stories and Meditations from Webb's Mommy

He Knows What He's Doing

Tue, 9 Mar 2010 07:10:27 PST

Through the years we've seen many, many doctors. Anytime you see one for the first time, they have to ask tons of questions. We understand this and are more than happy to answer them because we know it will help Webb get better care. Every now and then, though, we get a question that tries our patience or reveals a lack of tact on part of the 'asker'. (If I was being mean I would say lack of sense but I'm trying to be sweet.) The worst question that I think we have ever been asked was, 'Does he recognize his family?' In my mind, I said, 'Duh! Of course he recognizes us - he's not a rock!' But out loud I said, 'Oh, yes, he recognizes us' with a smile on my face. There is a mistaken assumption about brain injured kids like Webb that because they can't speak, they don't know what's going on around them. Well, he may not be able to do calculus but let me tell you, he definitely knows what's going on, knows what he's doing and in many cases how to work the system! Let me give you a few examples:

Webb drinks out of a sippy cup. He handles it very well on his own. In fact, he can drink out of it in any position - standing, kneeling, sitting, lying on his back, stomach or side! When he is at the couch and he is done with it, he just throws it down. I think he likes to see us chase it as it rolls across the floor, leaving a trail of sweet tea. Unless I sit beside him and watch very closely, I cannot catch that cup before it hits the floor. Totally different story when he wakes up at night and needs something to drink. While he is drinking his tea I sit or lay beside him on his bed. When he is done, he almost always hands his cup to me - he doesn't throw it. He knows what he's doing!

Webb's Mawmaw and Pawpaw take him riding in their truck most days and to get ice cream. When our girls were younger they used to go with them. They would usually get candy or gum when he got his ice cream. Upon careful observation, Mawmaw noticed something - if Webb didn't get his ice cream first, he wouldn't eat it! As long as he got his stuff before the girls got theirs, everything was fine. If not, he would turn his head and refuse to eat. He knows what he's doing!

When he gets up in the morning, Webb has to take medicine and I give it to him in oatmeal. He has learned how many bites it takes to get all of it down - three. Guess how many bites he takes most mornings? Three. He knows what he's doing!

Webb even knows that guys have to stick together. When he goes to his wonderful dentist, 'Dr. Buddy', the two of them are so outnumbered! All the hygenists and helpers are girls. His mom is helping hold him and his sisters even go to the dentist at the same time. Stinking girls everywhere. He is usually good at the dentist, but if he fusses, it is when us girls are fooling with him for the cleaning. When Dr. Buddy comes in, he settles down like he is saying, 'Finally! Another man on the scene - these girls are driving me nuts!' He knows what he's doing!

When our Webb Watchers at church take care of him, they mostly walk around pushing his wheelchair and Webb is good for them and very tolerant of that routine. If I have to push him around, he is not nearly as patient. That is not something he and I do a lot of unless we're out at a doctors appointment, etc. He knows that walking around is what he and his beloved Webb Watchers do. He is happy to do that with them. He knows what he is doing!

If he is hungry and I or Mawmaw are getting something ready for him in the kitchen, we are on the clock - the Webber clock. If the clock runs out, he gets Daddy or Pawpaw by the hand to come see what is taking so long. He will noisily walk into the kitchen and come over to see what we're doing. It's so funny - he will peer around our shoulder to be sure we're working on something for him. Once he sees we are on task, he'll go back to his spot and the couch to wait. This one cracks me up! He knows what he's doing!

The next time you see Webb or another brain injured sweetie, I hope these stories will remind you that even though their world in infinitely more difficlut than ours, they are definitely a part of it. They are more invloved than you may have realized. What a blessing.

At night when I'm watching Webb sleep and admiring him and praying for him, sometimes I wonder how he makes it from day to day. Guess what? The answer is the same as it is for you and me - the Lord brings him through. He strengthens him and I have no doubt that He speaks to Webb's precious little heart and tells him he loves him, that He is proud of Him and to lean on Him. He says, 'You're mine, buddy - I've got you. I will never leave you - ever.' Yep, Webb knows what he's doing but even more importanly our Heavenly Father has ultimate wisdom, control and Sovereignty - He really knows what He is doing.

Read That Again

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 10:19:00 PST

I was reading in Jeremiah this morning and read a verse that made my heart pound and I had to read it over again. I've gone back to it since so I'm going to share it with you. Let me warn you, it's not a happy verse but a very, very important one. Here it is:

'Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of Me, declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.' Jeremiah 2:19

Wow. Let that one soak in. No awe of the Lord. Oh, how I pray I am never, ever there. That explains a lot in this world, though, doesn't it? Another sobering thought is that these words were spoken to God's people - not heathen who did not claim His name. Wow again.

Didn't mean to depress you or anything today but how can we ever live the lives we should for God if we're not in awe of Him? We are still so loved by our Heavenly Father even when we do not give Him proper reverence. But Kingdom work can only progress when we do because that's when we'll love Him with all our hearts which leads to obedience which leads to growing the Kingdom. It's a great plan!

The Interview

Mon, 1 Mar 2010 04:53:30 PST

Our daughter Kelsie participated in our local Junior Miss Program this weekend. She has worked very hard preparing and boy, did it show! One of the themes for Junior Miss is 'be your best self' and she fulfilled that beautifully. She didn't bring anything home from the judges but we are fine with that because she had a blast and we had a blast watching her. I congratulate her and the 12 other sweet girls who had the courage and determination to take on the task. There was a thick feeling of pride hanging in the air from all the families and the Smiths were huge contributors!

Saturday afternoon before the program, the girls must do an interview with the judges. The more Kelsie talked about some of the answers she gave, the more excited and proud I got and knew I would be posting it here! Here are a few of the questions from the judges and the answers my sweet girl gave:

'What is your favorite color and why?' Blue because it reminds me of my Heavenly Father who loves me.

'What do you do to settle your nerves before you play the piano?' I take a deep breathe and remember that I am playing for an audience of One.

'We see on your bio sheet that one of your favorite things is traveling with your family. Tell us a story about that.' Recently we went to Mount Rushmore and other places in South Dakota and were looking for wild animals in a state park. My dad was playing around and accidentally threw his ice cream sandwich out the window! We all laughed until we cried.

The judges give the girls a few seconds for a closing statement - here's hers: Junior Miss is supposed to be memorable and my Mawmaw helped make it more memorable for me today by bringing me her classring to wear.

'What would you do if you had unlimited resources?' I would use them to help make Webb, my disabled brother well and able to speak.

How's that last one grab you? I was so thrilled and proud, as you can imagine. We are always so proud of Kelsie and (all our children) but I love it when she has the opportunity to share her sweet heart with others. I prayed with her before she left that the judges would be glad they got to meet her and I believe that prayer was answered in a big way. I hope that you are glad you got a look into the heart of Kelsie, too.

Prayers - Big and Small

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 07:42:37 PST

There have been tons of prayers going from my heart and mind to the Lord lately...big ones, small ones, huge ones! Safety, pain relief, wisdom, my family drawing closer to the Lord, comfort and guidance for a devastated friend, keeping Webb well, healing, thankfulness for blessings, etc., etc. The list could go on for quite a while. I'm so thankful He cares about everything I care about. I have come to realize that what I'm praying for really isn't as important as the condition of my heart that offers the prayer. A heart broken over sin, humble and full of thanksgiving for His love and mercy must be the origin of the prayer. I must strive to learn the lessons He has for me and in everything that happens - good or bad - to strive to me more like Him as a result. His glory is always the goal.

My words fall short so let's go to the word - Psalm 142:1-7:

'I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to You, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise Your name. Then the righteousness will gather about me because of Your goodness to me.'

Being Able

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 06:21:36 PST

Having a sweet one like Webb in your life is a constant reminder not to take everyday things for granted. One of the biggest things is having speech. I simply can't imagine not being able to talk. You can't let your needs be known, give your kids or co-workers direction, encourage your friends, tell your loved ones what they mean to you and on and on it goes. (On the other hand, if I would be quiet sometimes it would keep me out of trouble!) There are so many other things he can't do for himself that all of us do without a thought.

Even though I have that constant reminder, there are still things that humble me and remind me just how dependent we are on God for everything. Steve is still struggling with his back and we are supposed to be back in touch with the doctor today. This latest episode has made it difficult for him to do just about everything. I'm sitting at my computer right now without a thought but if my back were in the shape his is, I couldn't be doing that comfortably. When it is at it's worst, he can't sit, lay down, or stand up and be comfortable. Sometimes he just has to kneel at a chair leaning on his elbows. He has eaten meals in that position several times lately! This isn't a pity party for him but just a reminder that if something so small as a tiny little nerve gets pressed and aggrivated, life can be completely turned upside down. When our bodies are 'running smoothly', we never give it a thought. God is keeping the road smoothed for us and we don't even realize it and too often do not thank Him for it.

I can take you to an even more heartbreaking example - my friend Jayne struggles right now to even open her eyes. Can you imagine having to put all the energy you can muster into just opening your eyes?

I for one need to spend a LOT of time on my knees today thanking God for all the 'unseen' things He does for me to keep me going. I can sit, stand, walk, talk, breathe, hear, read, type, whatever I choose without pain or even huge effort. I also need to pray more for Webb and others whose daily life is such a struggle. Be thankful for an amazing body that works so well. That's just another example of the never-ending, amazing love our Father has for us.

'You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.'
I Corinthians 6:20

Praying For My Husband

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:21:11 PST

All of you out there know how much I love and adore my husband Steve. This is a 'please pray for him' plea! He has a herniated disc in his back that always hurts but has decided to give him fits right now. He can barely put his right foot on the floor to try to walk. Sitting is a challenge - especially when driving two hours to work! I have been putting his socks and shoes on for him and on and on it goes. He has an appointment to see a new doctor but they can't see him until March 4th. It is breaking my heart to see him in such pain just as I know it does any of you when someone you love hurts. Thanks so much for your prayers -we really do appreciate it.

I would also like to give you an update on our friend Jayne. She is still in ICU after the heart attack she suffered a month ago. She has been awake a few times but not fully awake yet. They are looking for the best rehab facility for her right now so I know her family would appreciate prayers for wisdom and of course for her healing and recovery. Please pray for her best friend Kathy and her family - they are completely drained and need strength.

When giving prayer requests, we should always include our praises and our pastor Bro. Tommy and his steady recovery from bypass surgery is definitely a praise! He is making wonderful progress and we are so thankful for the Lord's protection and healing in his life. Thanks for your prayers for him.

I'm so thankful we can take our petitions before our wonderful Lord. He hurts when we hurt and nothing escapes His notice. I hope that when praying for these requests so close to my heart, that it will ever draw me closer to Him - that should always be our goal. Have a blessed day, friends and prayer warriors!

'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.' I John 5:14

Sad Story

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:10:52 PST

We were watching the Olympics earlier this week and it was time for pairs figure skating. As they often do, they were telling a background story on one of the teams and this was the story of the Coach of the Chinese team. Most of the time, these stories are so touching and often bring tears to my eyes. Well, this story will bring tears to your eyes but not in the usual way.

The coach was a young pairs figure skater himself many years ago. In the first Olympics that he appeared in, he and his partner were actually laughed at because their performance was so poor. That was sad to hear and I can't imagine how hard it was but in my opinion, it got much worse. He used that as motivation as he began his coaching career. He was determined that his country would never, ever be laughed at again. That is a good goal, I would say and hard work is a good thing. But, what follows is what broke my heart. He worked so hard and spent so much time away from home that he missed the birth of his son. Then, he told about seeing him once when he was 'this big' holding his hands out about the width of his shoulders then when he returned, he was 'this big' holding them out about a foot wider on each side. Here's the most pitiful quote from the story, 'He didn't even know me'. He did cry when he said that but he can never get those years back!

I believe the team went on to win the gold medal. I wonder if it is now worth it to this man. Yes, he and his team have brought honor to their country but in sports, of all things! Don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE sports fan. I love Duke Basketball, SEC Football and lots of other things but I try to keep it in perspective. Seeing my children grow up, being there for them, spending time with my husband far, far outweigh any 'gold medal' or any other earthly reward. That is part of loving God with all my heart, soul and mind and my neighbor as myself. My family is my neighbor as well as all of you. Being saved and living a Godly life and serving Him are eternal investments and the only place worthy of dedicating our entire lives. A million, billion, trillion gold medals are worthless when compared to Him.

'For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward.' I Corinthians 3:11-14

'Routine' Day, Many Emotions

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:55:20 PST

Webb had his quarterly check-up with the neurologist on Wednesday. It is a relatively easy thing once at the office. He asks how he is doing, checks a couple of things, writes new prescriptions, and we're done. Getting there requires much more effort - getting him ready, loading his wheelchair and ramp, driving an hour to the appointment then unloading him and all his stuff once we arrive. To unload is chair is a bit of a challenge to do by myself but I manage. To load it by myself, I have to use a folding ramp. It works well and I'm thankful for it but it is cumbersome and heavy.

On the way, I prayed for a couple of things - that we find a handicapped parking space and that someone would be around to help me load his chair so I wouldn't have to use the ramp. When we arrived, the first prayer was answered and we found a vacant spot - go, God! I also asked that He help me not 'bang' his chair on the ground unloading as I do sometimes if I don't take my time and He took care of that, also. Two for two.

It was very cold and windy and I put Webb in his chair and covered him completely from head to toe with his MSU blanket. As we walked toward the door, he was pushing on it, trying to get it off of his head and I leaned down putting my head next to his telling him I would take the blanket off when we got inside. We passed an elderly lady who just smiled so big and said, 'Now, that's love!' It was so sweet. She sized up in just a moment what was happening - that Webb didn't want the blanket over his head but that I was trying to keep him warm. It made me smile right back at her. We were having a really good day so far.

While we were waiting for Webb's turn, a couple came out after seeing the doctor. The man was carrying a beautiful baby girl as mom followed, head down. He was walking a little fast and his body language said, 'I've got to get out of here.' Now, I couldn't have been completely wrong, he may have just needed to get back to work. But, I'm pretty sure I recognized what we went through many years ago. My heart just broke for them and I got tears in my eyes. Those early days of a journey like ours are so very tough. Seeing an older child like Webb makes them wonder if that is their future. I will pause to say please, please pray for this family and others who are still trying to grasp what is happening to their precious little one and to their family. If you've read very much of what I write here, you will know that Webb has brought us blessings we would never have imagined and we are so thankful for them. But, I can honestly say the world we live in is NOT what we dreamed of when he was born. Who wants to live in the world of lots of different specialists, therapists and special ed? Nobody that I know of. Once you're there, you find the good in it and hopefully see God's glory and do all you can to draw closer to Him but it is not your first choice. Again, please pray for these families. Thanks.

OK, back to the rest of our day. When we got back to the truck, I heard a voice behind me say, 'Ma'am, can I help you in any way?' God was at it again! I told the nice man that if he wouldn't mind waiting a couple of minutes while I put Webb in his car seat, I would be so thankful for help loading his chair. He said OK and did help me. I thanked him and told him that I had prayed that morning that God would send someone to help me load it up and he was an answer to that prayer! He was surprised to be called 'an answer to prayer' but it was true. After the chair was loaded and Webb situated, I noticed the man was still in his vehicle so I gave him a book and thanked him again. I have no idea what his spiritual condition is but pray that God can use our lives to help him.

Leave it to God to turn a 'routine' day into an extraordinary one. One not only of answered prayer but of ministry opportunity and even reminders of His faithfulness in seeing us through some tough times. Gotta love it when He makes you so keenly aware that He is always, always at work.

Blessings, Blessings, Blessings

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 07:05:17 PST

Just been feeling very thankful lately. I am so undeserving of all God has given me. As you have probably heard people say, if God only provided salvation and not a single other thing, we are still given more than we deserve. But, because of His great love for us, He showers us with blessings. Here are a few things that I have been extra thankful for lately:

My husband Steve. He would tell you in a heartbeat that he is not perfect and I understand that myself but there are so many ways he is a wonderful blessing to me and our kids. He loves Jesus and we all know it without a doubt. He works so very hard. In fact, for the last couple of years, he has been making a four hour round trip commute at least three times a week. Sometimes, he has to make the trip every day. Not easy for anybody but really tough for somebody with a herniated disc and sciatica! I have even come to realize that his hard work in college to get such a tough degree - electrical engineering - was partially for me because we were already planning a life together. He is so tolerant and patient with my forgetful ways and tears over the least little thing! He is such a wonderful dad to all our kids but to watch this big, tough, over six footer with Webb will melt your heart. He loves spending time with all of us whether at home or fishing or traveling. We all love making memories together. And, get this, girls - he told me last night he loves spoiling me. How great is that!?! He truly is the man of my dreams and I wish everyone was loved like I am. I love this portion of scripture that speaks to husbands:

'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of His body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.' Ephesians 5:25-33

My three children are also wonderful blessings in my life. Kelsie & Delaney are so sweet, smart and beautiful. They love the Lord and love their mom, dad & brother madly. I can hardly wait to see what the Lord has planned for their lives! Webb, as all of you know, is a blessing beyond words. He lives such a difficult life but shows such contentment. I am just blessed to be able to be in his presence day after day. It definitely makes me a better and sweeter person! There's no telling who I would be without him...don't really want to think about that. What a privilege and huge responsibility parenthood is but it provides blessing beyond belief. I am so blessed to know that I get to spend eternity with these wonderful people! Jeremiah 1:5 says, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.' So amazing to know that God knew all of us before we were born and picked these sweet kids just for me!

The other folks I have been especially thankful for lately are the ministers at ABC. Wow. I can't imagine a more wonderful group. They love our Lord passionately and lead by example to help us live that out in our own lives. It doesn't matter what they are doing - preaching, teaching, working with our kids and youth, leading worship, visiting, ministering in countless ways, they do it with excellence! I am so thankful for their love, friendship and example. Our church family is more blessed than some of them may realize to have such an awesome group to join in Kingdom work. I really can't say enough about them. I started trying to type all of their good points and some of the many, many things they do but the post was getting way too long! Their families are just as precious and I'm so thankful for all of them. I hope they know how much my family and I love and appreciate them. Isaiah 52:7 reads, 'How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"'

So, there you go. Blessings, blessings, blessings! I pray you are just as blessed.

At His Feet

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 10:00:19 PST

There is a beautiful account in the book of Ruth about her marriage to Boaz, her 'kinsman redeemer'. There is a lot of tradition in the story that may sound strange to us but my favorite part is that actual phrase, 'kinsman redeemer'. Boaz was her protector and advocate and his 'redeeming' her is a picture of Christ. The entire book of Ruth is only four chapters long and is a wonderful way to spend the few minutes it take to read. In the third chapter, she follows her mother-in-law's direction and lays at Boaz feet as he sleeps. Later in the chapter, he awakes to see her there and they have a touching conversation about Boaz being her kinsman redeemer. As I said before, I don't completely understand the tradition and symoblism of her actions but the humility is a beautiful picture.

A tiny bit of this happens at our house on many nights. No, Steve doesn't 'require' me to lay at his feet! When Webb wakes up at night, usually to have a drink of sweet tea, most of the time he won't go back asleep unless I stay in there for a while. Since it is the middle of the night and I'm sleepy myself, I want to lay down, too. If I lay beside him, it seems to bug him and sometimes he grabs at my face and unintentionally scratches me. So, I lay at his feet. We have even joked sometimes that I lay at his feet because I am his servant. I'm not nearly that humble and I actually get pretty frustrated sometimes but I love Webb and am more than willing to help him with his difficult life however I can.

These are a couple of pictures of laying at someone's feet that touch me and one more came to mind a night or two ago as I was going to sleep. In our study on the book 'Crazy Love', we have been encouraged to read Isaiah 6:1-5 and Revelation chapter 4 before going to God in prayer. It helps put things in perspective as you approach the King of kings. Verse one tells us Isaiah 'saw the Lord seated on a throne high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple' and in verse 4 it says, 'at the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke'. In Revelation 4:2, 3 & 5, it reads: 'At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the apperance of jasper and carnelian. A rainbow resembling an emerald, encircled the throne. From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder.' Wow! Even though our human minds can't possibly imagine what all this looks, sounds, smells and feels like, our little brains are all we have to give it a try. Back to where my thoughts went as I was drifting off to sleep, I tried to see all this in my mind's eye and just imagined myself laying at God's feet. I love the fact that at the most powerful place in the entire universe where there is lightning, thunder, smoke, and more, there is still such peace because of that power. Even though His holiness is completely beyond humans, because of that holiness, He can provide salvation and one day I will see these beautiful, awesome sights with my own eyes and join those in the chorus, 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come'.

I pray my heart will always be humble enough to see myself 'laying at His feet'.